MOULTRIE —

I just did some checking and there are more than 20 “reality” television shows set in Alaska. Not counting outer space and the depths of the ocean, Alaska is often referred to as “the last frontier.” So I guess it sort of beckons television producers.

While I’m aware of these many shows, I don’t recall ever watching one completely. I mostly flip from channel to channel.  Probably the last film I watched completely that was set in our 49th state was “North to Alaska.”

So when it comes to “Ice Road Truckers,” “Gold Rush,” the “Deadliest Catch,” or “Life Below Zero,” I watch only brief segments. And one reason is, I don’t like being cold, and those episodes give me severe chills. .

Now I consider myself an “outdoorsman,” (though not as much as I used to be), so I find  Alaska interesting. But I am opposed to frostbite, hypothermia, being eaten by bears and living in states that don’t have competitive college football teams. Hawaii would be an exception.

I can appreciate that someone is brave enough to go off the Alaska shores and bring back boat loads of crabs. I love crab legs. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been filled up on crab legs … I just got tired and quit eating. But to make catching crabs a television show, well the theme never changes.

As for those guys up there mining for gold, that mineral does not play a major role in my life. As well, my life does not feel any negative effects if those guys trapping martins and other fur-bearing animals have a bad year. My first thought is go back home and get a real job.

There’s one of those shows where one character keeps griping about the severe weather. Well if he had bought a globe instead of a snowmobile, he might have noticed that Alaska is first cousin to the Arctic. Also, he might have observed that those geese fly south in the winter. There’s a reason for that. He might want to see what’s it’s all about.

Now I know this is a lot about adventure. And some people have to go there to work because there is oil under all of that ice and snow. And of course we have to have military bases there because Russia is just across the creek.

There’s was a time in my youth when I thought “the cold war” had to do with Russia being upset that they sold us that big chunk of real estate. Mix frostbite with anger, and you have “cold war.”

The other night I stopped on “Ice Road Truckers.” A woman truck driver was having trouble putting snow chains on the tires of her rig.  That added an element of conflict because if she had been able to do this without any problems, it would have just been a woman and her truck. No cursing or pouting. Given that as a basis for drama, I should have been filmed last Saturday trying to get the belt back on my riding lawn mower. There was no snow and no polar bears but there were fire ants, mosquitoes and skinned knuckles. And cursing. Engineers who design these things should actually have to work on them.

And you have to know that in this particular show someone is going to drive his rig onto too-thin ice for dramatic effect. So who put the cameras under the ice to show the wheels breaking through?

In summation, we know these aren’t real “reality” shows. The drama is staged. Always ask yourself, where is the camera crew standing?

Side note: On March 30, 1867, Secretary of State William H. Seward agreed to purchase Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million.  At the time, critics thought Seward was crazy and called the deal “Seward’s folly.” Russia still thinks it was crazy but for different reasons.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)