Some of you may have read Jon Krakauer’s book “Into Thin Air” about his experiences on a failed attempt to scale Mt. Everest in 1996. A rogue storm intervened and a number of people died. In case you are wondering I’ve never been close to Mt. Everest and if I had I sure as heck wouldn’t have gone up there. Nonetheless there are some faint similarities between that event and an excursion that my wife and I are going to embark on in August.

We are heading out west to make a loop around northern California and southern Oregon. The crown jewels of that trip will be Redwood National Park and Crater Lake National Park. Redwood is close to sea level but Crater Lake is up around 7,000 feet above sea level (a key component in this tale) where the air is thin and where demons live that make your lungs feel like they are smaller than they actually are. That thin air might not bother me too much except for one thing — and that is where the story begins to take shape.

We have booked a cruise on Crater Lake that I’m very much looking forward to. It will take us around that water-filled caldera (a volcano that has filled up with water in this case). It is not only the deepest lake in the lower 48 states but the clearest and purest as well, and I’ve always longed to see it for myself.

There are a couple of other significant points to consider here. First of all there is only one place where you can actually gain access to the lake. It is a trail of just over a mile in length that stretches from the lip of the caldera down to lake level. Down is the operative word here — 800 feet down. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to clamber down to get on the boat and take the trip but as old Isaac Newton so aptly put it, “What goes up must come down.” 

In this case the opposite is true and therein lies the rub. Once we finish that boat ride around this incredible natural wonder we must disembark and then go back up that 1.1 mile, 800 foot climb.

Thus in order to go on vacation this year I have to get in some semblance of physical condition. I’ve never considered that notion. Under normal circumstances preparation for vacation involves booking an airplane flight to the correct city, renting a comfy car, packing the right clothes and making sure you don’t forget your toothbrush or cellphone. Never in my whole life have I had to embark on a physical conditioning regimen just to go on holiday. That seems like an oxymoron. Nonetheless my wife and I are making every effort to get in shape. It’s either that or be helicoptered out of Crater Lake by a nice ranger.

Since I’ve been out of shape since the 1970s it is a long, hard pull. I’ve been walking plenty of miles, going to the gym and diligently doing stadium steps in order to accomplish my goal. A typical workout goes like this. Head to the gym and walk a mile with 20 stair steps interspersed every 30 minutes. I also try to eat some M&Ms along the way for energy. Don’t want to overdo it — just pacing myself. Laura is walking five miles and doing 1,000 stair steps each day and eats broccoli, kale and asparagus for energy.  

Needless to say she is further along in her conditioning program than I am.

With just over three weeks to go before we leave I’ve got to kick my conditioning program into high gear because Laura said that she is not going to drag my butt out of that crater where the ground is steep and the air is thin. So I am pushing through the pain of walking countless stair steps and dramatically cutting back on my M&Ms in an effort to be prepared.

Despite these efforts to get in shape I’m still really worried that no matter how many miles I walk or how many stairs I do there’s no way to simulate that thin air where the demons that make your lungs feel small live. I just hope they have a good helicopter crew on call at Crater Lake.

Although anticipation is still high for this excursion I’m thinking that our next vacation might be a place where the ground is flat and the air is normal. In that scenario I will only have to remember to pack my toothbrush and cellphone when making preparations instead of walking up stairs and giving up M&Ms.

Email your physical fitness tips to dar8589@bellsouth.net.