Dwain Walden is editor and publisher of The Moultrie Observer.

So “Shark Week” is over and now we get another run of “Amish Mafia.”

I brought that up at the breakfast club this morning because we had already dispensed with conflict in the Mideast, subatomic particles and what to do about A-Rod and Johnny Football.

I watched a couple of those shark programs, and I was fascinated that they tagged some great white sharks off Cape Cod and tracked them to a spot off the Georgia coast which was their breeding grounds. Then they traveled on down around Key West and into the Gulf of Mexico to an area off Cancun, Mexico. That was a trip of 1,600 miles. And then the sharks turned around and went back to Cape Cod. And none of them got lost in the Bermuda Triangle. Go figure.

Then I found it interesting that bull sharks will sometimes go up a fresh water stream for 200 miles. That means I won’t be skinny dipping in the Ochlocknee River anymore. I realize there’s a dam on Lake Talquin but I’ve also watched that series called “River Monsters,” and some really strange stuff happens that hasn’t been explained. And I don’t want to be part of one of those mysteries.

Now to the “Amish Mafia.” My friend Mike McLean said he thought that term might be the epitome of an oxymoron. I agree.

In this program, there’s a chubby little guy in a black suit with a Zorro hat who calls himself Lebanon Levi. In the previews, some other Amish guy keeps talking about raising his army and noting that, “Levi is going down.” Really? What about brotherly love, hell fire and all that stuff?

I view this entire production as a cartoon — something along the lines of Sponge Bob Square Pants.

In one of the preview scenes, a buggy blows up.  I would suppose they made their own explosives out of fertilizer.

It’s very difficult to see little Sponge Bob (I mean Levi) strutting around with his entourage and then trying to equate him with Al Pacino. In my imagination, Levi pulls out a rolling pin and says, “Say hallo to my litul friend.”

So what does Levi enforce? Did someone opt for an electric-powered ice cream churn?

And what would be the repercussions? The guilty parties would have to sleep in the cow barn for six months?

Lebanon Levi reminds me of Spanky McFarland of “Spanky’s Gang.” And his entourage is “The Little Rascals.”

Now I could see the Southern Baptist Convention having an enforcement unit, but the Amish?

Some of the scenes had that little blurred fuzzy thing over people’s faces as if we might recognize them if they showed up at the Friday night drag races.

Now don’t get me wrong. I respect the Amish as I do people of other faiths. From what I’ve  seen about them in documentaries (not reality television) they are a sincere and hardworking bunch of folks. That’s why I wonder how many of them — assuming they would watch television — would catch a few episodes of “Amish Mafia” and be completely surprised that Lebanon Levi and Spanky’s Gang were their guardians as opposed to say … God.

Oh well, I’ve got a hundred or more channels on my cable. And given some recent tragedies in South Florida with Burmese pythons, I’m fully expecting a spinoff of “Swamp People” where they go after these imported slithering maneaters. Or maybe they will just put a $10 bounty on these snakes and turn the issue over to “Duck Dynasty.” Remember now where you heard this first… and stay tuned.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)