MOULTRIE, Ga. – I find myself watching the Travel Channel a lot these days. There’s a guy, Andrew Zimmer, who goes around the world sampling foods. There’s another fellow, Jack Maxwell, who goes around the world sampling booze. And a third guy, Josh Gates, searches for “mythic creatures.”

So after watching several of these episodes, I got to thinking about my high school days and what we called “Career Day.” None of these occupations were among the options.

Of course those were the days of only three channels on television, and one of those was “iffy.” Not only that,  I had to climb out the kitchen window and turn the antenna with a pipe wrench.

So there were no television channels designated just for travel, food, remodeling old houses  and pursuing things that go “bump in the night.”

Zimmer was once a homeless guy who became a chef and then got his own television shows. Isn’t America great?! From outhouse to the penthouse!

One of his shows is called “Bizarre Foods.” He travels the world eating  stuff you might find under a rotting log in the Amazon. How about some “salamander salad” or some “lizard lip stew?”

I feel fortunate to live in a part of the world where bizarre foods would be souse meat and fried chicken gizzards .

My guess is, Maxwell has the most sought-after occupation … sampling booze.

It’s been said that no matter how primitive a civilization, all mankind has the commonality of knowing how to reproduce, to make some kind of musical instrument and to concoct booze of some fashion. So Maxwell can get off the plane anywhere and have fodder for his production. His samplings run the gamut from moonshine to vintage wines.

I suppose the absolute easiest of these three professions would be searching for mythic creatures. And that’s because you know you are not going to find one. You just have to have a good fog machine and some recordings of a choir “ahhhing” in the background. You must also have a cameraman who has difficulty focusing his lens.

Even your dialogue is already well established: “Did you hear that?” “What was that?” “Did you feel that?” “There’s definitely something out there!”

Now Zimmer has another show that is not about bizarre stuff. He just visits various locations to eat barbecue, smoked salmon, fried chicken, lamb stew, smoked brisket and other common foods that are especially prepared. A lot of them end up with a sprig of parsley on top. Parsley in this instance is no more functional than a twig of dog fennel. It’s about presentation.

Some people often refer to different ways to “introduce” the dressing to the salad. I just say, “Dressing, meet the salad.”

Some of these meals are prepared by cooks. Some are prepared by chefs. You can tell chefs from cooks because chefs have heavy accents and bad tempers.

So I wonder how it would be to have Maxwell the booze traveler as a guest with Josh Gates chasing mythic creatures? It could give new meaning to that expression, “things that go bump in the night.”

Side note: Why don’t liquor labels advise you not to operate heavy machinery after partaking?

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)