Not long ago I was seated in the aisle of a shopping center observing humanity as my wife was looking for bargains in the many shops. It’s much easier to camp out in a mall these days because of cell phones. My wife and I can stay in touch, and my feet won’t hurt as bad.

But being rather bored, I walked into a shop near where I had been sitting just to browse around. Right up front let me say this was not my kind of store. It was sort of a hipster store, I would guess.  It’s where you go to buy clothes if you want to look very different … like you just jumped off the hobo freight or maybe you’re hoping to be an extra in a gangster movie.

But  though it was a “stupid store,” by my definition, it was expensive.

I told the young man who worked there that I was “just looking around.”  But he insisted I look at a suit which he said would look good on me. I wanted to laugh, but I had walked in there under my own bad judgment .. he didn’t invite me. I had to respect his domain.

I just nodded negatively, but he insisted I feel the fabric, and he even wanted me to try it own. This was a pimp outfit if I had ever seen one. It was a putrid lime green and would have glowed in the dark. I felt the fabric as a courtesy. It reminded me of trying to get an eel off my fish hook.

And then he brought out a tie that he said was made for this suit. He was right. It went well with that suit if hideous is what you are looking for. The only thing positive I could say about that tie is that it could be used as a tourniquet if you got shot in the leg or snake bitten.

Then came the deal. I could have the suit and the tie for just $600. At that point I had to chuckle just a little. My first car only cost $600, and it did not glow in the dark.

But the fact is, “stupid stories,” do a big business. When I watch talk shows late at night, many of the guests have shopped at the “stupid store.” I see a guy who looks like he chased down a clown to get his outfit and further insulted the world of fabrics and fashion by wearing sandals and argyle socks. If he wanted attention, he got it. You can’t help but look at something so hideous. Maybe gawk is a better term. My thoughts included: Whatever happened to mirrors?

I don’t know if “stupid stores” are chains or if they are family owned. But they have found a niche.

I think when people get famous, or perhaps infamous, they are prone to shop in this venue. They wear stuff I wouldn’t want to wear if I was stranded on an island, and I knew no one could see me. But God could see me, and I wouldn’t want Him to think he created someone who would dress like that.

One fellow on a late night show had on a sports coat that looked as if it had once been a sofa cover. Under that he wore a white T-shirt. I thought he might have been about to change the oil in his car, and as he popped the hood he got an invite to be on The Tonight Show.

Another thought hit me about this phenomenon. This type of dress could be used as a distraction.

Let’s say a performer walks onto the stage in a lime green outfit wearing white socks and sandals. He moves to center stage and starts singing and playing his guitar. If he misses a chord or sings the same verse twice, who’s going to notice? They will be mesmerized by the gaudy outfit…the epitome of sleight of hand. I’m somewhat surprised that some congressmen haven’t picked up on this strategy.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)