So I’m watching a television commercial about a disease that basically is about constipation.  It’s caused by taking opioids. And the commercial calls it OIC or “opioid induced constipation.” It could be called “MMWLMG” (my medicine won’t let me go).

Perhaps you’ve noticed that many of the diseases are now more commonly referred to with acronyms and abbreviations. But you may not have noticed. You may have been distracted by the possible side effects which could range from an urge to gamble and suicidal thoughts to night sweats and your left ear falling off while playing golf. They pretty well cover the spectrum.

I get confused with all the acronyms. In some cases pronouncing the abbreviation doesn’t save you any breath.

And now I think every ailment and every association linked to those illnesses have abbreviations or acronyms.

By the way, have you ever wondered why abbreviation is a five syllable word?

So far I haven’t seen PBK with reference to an ailment. That would be “pain behind the knee.”  Or, PBRK which would be “pain behind the right knee.”

Did you know that there are nearly 2,000 acronyms and abbreviations related to the medical field alone? There may be more, the day isn’t over yet. There’s even a medical abbreviations dictionary. That’s a good thing because I would not want to confuse the Asbestos Diseases Foundation of Australia (ADFA) with the Asbestos Diseases Foundation of Alabama.

Now with some 2,000 of these abbreviations, it would be difficult to remember any large portion of them unless you dealt with them on a daily basis.

For instance, take the ADRDA (Alzheimer’s Disease and Related Disorders Association). That’s a five-letter calling card. I thought maybe I could come up with some kind of little saying that might help me remember the abbreviation. We all know how that works. Take for example, “righty tighty, lefty loosey.”  

But that gets way too complicated in the venue of which I speak. Who could remember “Aunt Dorothy’s Rich Daughter Alice” for ADRDA.

I don’t think abbreviations or acronyms should be applied beyond four letters. They are not medically related, but think of NASA, FCC, USDA, FBI and CIA. Fairly easy.

Now have you ever heard of APMPPE? That is “acute posterior multifocal placoid pigment epitheliopathy.” With three “P’s” in it, I would have guessed it had to do with a bladder disorder.

If a person is prone to use acronyms and abbreviations then he should first make sure that the person he is speaking to knows the venue from which the reference is made.

For instance, AP stands for Alkaline Phosphates. As well it stands for Associated Press, advanced placement, apple pie and aardvark prosthetics.

Then you have API, which in one reference is Asian or Pacific Islander. It can also be the American Press Institute or Alaskan pipeline injuries.

Now I’ve learned a few  abbreviations relative to medical talk. One I’ve finally got down is COPD or Cardiopulmonary Disease. But shouldn’t that just be CD? Or would that suggest some ailment from watching too many videos?

Combine all of this with all of the abbreviations in text messaging, and it’s a wonder we as a species can even talk anymore.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultre Observer. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)