MOULTRIE, Ga. –

It’s sort of a hobby of mine to read promotional signs in front of churches as I travel about the country.

Some of the commentaries are thought provoking. Some are downright humorous. Some might scare the hell out of you. That may be the intent.

A recent sign I observed in front of a country church said: “Visit us Sunday, and let us talk to you about our great fire insurance policy.”

I thought that was clever if not a little cheesy.

One of my favorites  was a sign at this tiny church that probably could not have held more than 50 people. It said: “Stop, drop and roll doesn’t work in Hell.”

I would think both of these aforementioned churches could be classified as having “cut-to-the-chase” doctrines.

Another sign I saw glowing in the dark one night out by the church driveway said: “You better get right or you gonna get left.”

I  wonder if these churches have a person designated to come up with these snappy little sayings. Maybe they appoint a committee. I guess they might even have contests to see who can best put the gospels in such abrupt layman’s terms.

Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this approach. In fact, it embodies two of the key elements to our great First Amendment — freedom of speech and freedom of religion. And I suppose if those signs work, they also touch on the freedom to assemble. These signs may even be considered Americana.

Now some signs may be just a bit too clever, but they still show humor. And who said religion has to be all starched shorts?

I did a little research and found this sign: “I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos.”

We might add fire ants.

And in this vein of commentary, one sign read: “God expects spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.”

Now I think that one is humorous, clever and carries a strong message.

Another church mixed secular and religious to make a point: “Walmart is not the only saving place.”

Some of these signs make really good conversation pieces. How about: “Experts built the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.”

One church declared on its front yard: “Santa Claus never died for anyone.”

Another said: “God answers kneemail.”

There’s probably not a saying out there that a clever evangelist can’t work into such a message. So I give you: “What happens in Vegas is forgiven here.”

Some of these signs offer definitions. For instance, prayer is defined as “wireless access to God with no roaming fee.”

There are a few signs I’m not really sure about like: “Church parking only, violators will be baptized.”

I thought this one was very clever: “We have a doctor on staff. He specializes in faith lifts.” And another asks, “Would you prefer smoking or non-smoking.”

I guess my all-time favorite that I’ve seen on church signs, bumper stickers and billboards says: “God help me to be the person my dog thinks I am!”

So there I was late at night driving out of Troy, Ala. Signs on that road said, “Prepare to meet Jesus,” “The end is near,” “Did you pray this morning?” At first I thought they may have been promoting a revival. But after about 15 miles of curves and potholes, I’m pretty sure they were talking about the poor condition of that road.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)