MOULTRIE, Ga. — 

I thought Chuck Norris had sort of vaporized into the land of kung fu, but now I see he has a new commercial on television where he kicks a salt shaker across the diner and bloodies some guy’s nose with it.

Norris was once the quintessential bad boy when it came to kicking butt and taking names. Between him and Charles Bronson they kept America free from terrorists and held organized crime at bay. But somewhere along the way, their characters gave way to people like “Jack Reacher” and “John Wick.”  These later characters are a little “darker” and of course would never be confused with the Texas Rangers.

I was first introduced to Norris as the character “Lone Wolf McQuade.” Then he had that run of movies where he was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. Then came “Walker Texas Ranger” where he had little regard for due process even though his girlfriend, Alex Cahill, was the assistant district attorney. If he lacked probable cause to stop a vehicle, he would just kick out a taillight as a conversation piece. Given the spotlight on law enforcement these days, that  series would do little to improve public relations with law enforcement. 

Not only were Norris’ moves so fast you could hardly see his hands and feet, he presented an illusion that one could clean up a neighborhood without filing an environmental impact statement.

 Norris appears to have kept himself in shape. In fact, as his movie career dissipated, he advertised “the total gym” on television. 

While I’ve always been impressed with this resolve to stay physically fit, I can see why he never won an Oscar, not even as “best supporting butt kicker.”

And it seems Norris may have some kind of cult-type following out there. These are people who can reference Norris in almost any discussion one might bring up. And yes , it all has to do with his portrayal of the ultimate bad boy.

For instance, one contributor to his folklore says that when Norris does push ups, he just stays still and the earth comes up to him.

Another noted that Norris can build a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

There may be a fine line here between admiration and sarcasm, similar to that fine line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

One fellow says that Norris doesn’t worry about high gas prices, that his vehicles run off fear. And yet another points out that there has never been a video game involving Norris because no one controls Chuck Norris.

One of my personal favorites is that when Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital. Also, Bigfoot claims he once saw Chuck Norris.

It is said that Norris once was entertaining some children and he pulled a hat out of a rabbit. And of course, when he was a child and the rest of the kids were playing in the sand, Norris was playing in concrete.

It never happened in any of his movies, but I fully expected to see him strangle someone with a cordless phone. 

And they say he put the word “laughter” in “manslaughter.”

I read that someone was going to name a street Chuck Norris Boulevard but then they realized no one ever crossed Chuck Norris and lived.

All that said, if I ever fly to the Mideast for any reason, I hope Norris is on  my flight. They say his blood type is AK-47.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)