MOULTRIE, Ga. — 

Sometimes on a clear night when I’m out in the country, I look up at the stars and wonder about stuff.

Considering that we know stars are suns, and there likely are planets zooming around them forming solar systems, this question prevails … is there life out there? Is it life as we know it? Or is it life like that creature depicted in those “Alien” movies. Does Sigourney Weaver have a twin in some parallel universe? Do they play football? Or, are they just a bunch of little bug-like creatures that live under moss-covered logs in primeval swamps, yet to evolve into Democrats and Republicans?

I’ve watched numerous television programs on the History and Discovery channels that ponder the “Ancient Aliens” concept. Mostly it’s theory and speculation extrapolated from drawings on cave walls and even the Bible.

So while I’m driving down the road pondering these thoughts on this particular evening, an ad comes over the radio relative to outer space. It was not so much about exploration as it was exploitation.

Some yahoos have developed what they call a “star registry.”  And with Valentine’s Day coming up soon, they are offering— for a price, of course — a chance for you to have a star named for your significant other. In other words, you can give your wife or girlfriend a star for Valentine’s Day. And after it’s done, you can walk out on the backporch and point into the heavens and say, “Darling that one right over there, just beyond the sycamore tree, is yours. It’s named after you. It’s been written in the registry.”

Of course you can’t go there or touch it.  You can only look at it a night when it’s not cloudy.

Now this weird entrepreneurship is more than a little “spacey.” And it’s been going on for several years now. I’m curious as to just how many people have fallen for this spiel. Obviously some have or else it wouldn’t be repeated. They should be kept warm, dry and out of traffic.

You see you don’t have to have a real estate license to sell a star or name a star after someone. All you have to have are some gullible people who may be convinced that Tang was discovered on the moon.

So for those who might fall prey to this gimmick, let me tell you how to do this without it costing you any money — not even as much as the price of a box of candy. Just walk out on the backporch with your honey, point to a twinkle in the sky and say, “Baby that one I name for you. From now on we know that star as Gloria.” And then you record your declaration on a legal pad — or an illegal ad, it really doesn’t matter — and that notation becomes your registry. 

If anyone should contest your claim to this heavenly real estate, ask them to show you their deeds. Of course you don’t have any deeds either. And there’s not a court in the country, except maybe in California, that would adjudicate such a case. 

There may be the possibility that these celestial entrepreneurs could exploit some simpletons even beyond the star thing if they told them they could also name the planets whirling around those suns for their children. It may even be that they would like to send their children there .

Earlier I said I wondered how many people have fallen for this spiel. What I would really like to know is how many wives or girlfriends balked and said, “No I would rather have a dozen roses and a night on the town?”

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)