I have just watched on television a group of ‘grown ups’ who ran through snow drifts and plunged into freezing water. 

They call themselves the Polar Bear Club. 

I would call them something else.

Apparently they do this every year as some kind of ritual. I’m not sure if they are trying to prove a point, send a message or corroborate something that might be on a medical record somewhere.

The closest I ever came to doing such a thing was when I was a kid running gill nets in Wolf Creek for redhorse suckers. This would be in the early spring and the water would be rather icy. 

For those who don’t know, a redhorse sucker is a very bony bottom feeder that prefers streams as opposed to ponds. The meat is very tasty when fried, but its preparation for the skillet requires a special gashing of the fillets so that one can maneuver around the bones. This sucker is not to be confused with the “humpback sucker” which prefers a pond as opposed to a stream. Don’t worry, this will never be a question on Jeopardy.  

It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten redhorse sucker. So all of my knowledge about stringing gill nets is really a moot point. I don’t own any nets of this type anymore, and I’m sure as heck not going to jump back into an icy stream to stake them out. I can just say the memories are fond ones. And besides, running gill nets in streams is illegal without a special permit. But I’m sure the statute of limitations has run out on this issue.

I heard one of the Polar Bear members say the plunge was invigorating and stimulating. If that were my goal, I would Google both words and see what are the alternatives.

I had a fellow tell me once that he would intentionally get an electric shock for “stimulation.” Once again, Google can be your friend.

I would put these actions on a list that includes running with the bulls in Pamploma, Spain, or trying to infiltrate the Hell’s Angels.

I interviewed a person once who ran with the bulls. I asked him how far he ran, and he said until he saw the first open door. Incidentally, that door opened into a tavern, which might be somewhat poetic in that a tavern is probably where he was when he decided jumping in front of a herd of raging bulls would be a good thing. By the way, I always pull for the bulls.

I’ve often wondered if this Polar Bear event is a “right brain,” a “left brain,” or a “no brain” thing. I’m pretty sure what it was with the guy who would intentionally shock himself with electricity, because I knew him too well. 

So what about those guys who take off their shirts at football games when it’s freezing cold? Obviously they want attention. And it never fails, the cameras will find them. I wonder if they have some of that Polar Bear DNA in their system. Or was it about the amount of anti-freeze they consumed prior to the game. I’m just glad they don’t work for NASA.

 Many of these people will tell you they are just having fun. And as long as they are not hurting someone else, or the bulls, then I suppose I should respect their rights to act accordingly. But let me go on record and note that you will never read in the newspaper that I suffered a heart attack while being initiated into the Polar Bear Club, that my bungi cord was three feet too long, that my parachute didn’t open or that I was trampled by a herd of bulls in Pamploma. I can get “stimulated” by grilling a juicy steak.

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)