Dwain Walden is editor and publisher of The Moultrie Observer.

I always thought “air guitar” competition was about the silliest thing I had ever heard of. But then when I realized that for the most part we’ve experienced an “air Congress” in recent years, I factored my opinion accordingly.

For those who don’t know, “air guitar” is when you listen to hot guitar music, and you pretend that you are playing the lead instrument. If the recording doesn’t hit a bad note, then you don’t either. You can even lay your guitar down and make a sandwich, and it keeps right on playing. I guess it’s through mental telepathy.

Preliminaries have already begun to choose the competitors for the 2013 “air guitar” championship. It will be held August 21-23 in Oulu, Finland.

Playing “air guitar” is very inexpensive even though you can be playing the best instrument ever made. When you fly to the competition, you don’t have to worry about your guitar getting damaged or stolen. You don’t have to insure your “air guitar” and you don’t have to change strings or tune up.

Not long ago I watched a guy on television playing his “air guitar.” But his movements were totally out of proportion for a real guitar. In fact, the neck on his “air guitar” was almost behind him and the body would have been in the front row.

I’ve never heard a panel of judges critique “air guitar” so I don’t know what to look for in something you can’t see. What I mean is, do you tell the guitarist that you don’t like the imaginary color of his instrument? Maybe the neck was six inches too long? His outfit clashes with his guitar? But apparently you can’t pick too-complicated an arrangement. And what if you play two “air guitars” at once?

This will be the 18th “air guitar” championship. And why do they hold it Finland?

Are there any famous Scandinavian guitarists?  Eric Clapton does look a little Scandinavianish.

Now I’m sure we’ve all played a little “air guitar” in our times. Also, “air drums” and I’ve seen plenty of “air trombone.”

Do “air guitarists” practice? And if they have a bad practice, do they crash their instrument against the wall?

 Also, I’ve just learned that this thing has mutated and there are entire “air bands.”

And to think I wasted all that money on lessons when if I had gone this route, I could have played Mason Williams’ “Classical Gas” on the very first day!

My research shows that the whole “air guitar” competition is to promote world peace.  Their slogan is “Make AR” not “Make WAR.”

According to the ideology of this movement, wars would stop, hunger would end, climate change would abate and most all bad things would disappear if everyone played “air guitar.” At the end of this year’s competition, the whole world is going to be invited to play “air guitar” to promote world peace.

Maybe they are onto something here. Instead of real guns and real missiles,  we have pretend ones.  Wouldn’t it be neat if that’s what little Ding Dong Doo in North Korea has planned. He’s going to fire off an imaginary missile with incredible sound effects. He’s going to think he’s a double for John Wayne and pretend that he’s the king of the world. He will hire a really good hair dresser from Hollywood who will convince him he looks like Clark Gable. We will all be happy!

I can play along with a lot of this. Except I will immediately snap into reality if you try to serve me “air pork chops.”

Enough said on this. But I am wondering in the realm of “air guitar” if any new models will be introduced this year?

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)