Someone once asked me, “What do you country folks do on Friday nights?” This question was derogatory of my heritage. Simply put, he was putting me down. He was besmirching me. I pooched out my lips.

So I told him that we just sat around discussing souse meat futures and contemplating our navels.

He assumed we were all bumpkins who spent our evenings tuning our tambourines and whistling the theme to the Andy Grffith show. I figured I would supplement his assumptions in case he didn’t pick up on the facetious nature of my reply. So I said sometimes we get really wild and pour grape juice on a white shirt to see if Tide is really “new and improved.”

But  much time has now passed, and now I realize that I may not have been as facetious as I intended. I have now learned that contemplating one’s navel has academic basis.

Did you know that at the University of North Carolina there is right now a Belly Button Biodiversity project going on?

I’m not saying that most of us take our belly buttons for granted, but when it comes to diversity, I always figured they were either “innies” or “outties”  and that was the basic difference.

This subject is yet to reach The Discovery Channel, but UNC has begun examining the “faunal differences” in the microbial ecosystems of our navels.

These scientists say they want to foster greater understanding of the “tens of thousands” of organisms crawling around inside our navels, most of them said to be benign and some are even helpful.

I’m willing to bet that most of us have never considered that we needed a “greater understanding” of our navels. They have just always been there, a place to put Cheetos’ crumbs. I once saw a guy use his as ashtray.

So how many of you have ever been kicked back in your recliner watching a baseball game and while the pitcher was adjusting his cap, his jockey strap and his glove,  you gazed down at your navel and said to yourself, “I just don’t understand it?”

Now I wish that guy would call me back because I was ahead of my time on contemplating my navel, and I fully expect souse meat to be featured on the Food Channel in the not-to-distant future as a “misunderstood” delicacy.

 Researcher Jiri Hulcr said, “Observing the navel biota of the lab members, we noticed curious differences between navels. Some were barren in terms of inhabiting organisms while others were, well, full of life.”

I’m willing to bet that you will have a conversation about navels with someone within the week. I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying that’s the way our minds work once an idea has been planted. I would suggest that this would not be a good topic to broach over dinner.

Hulcr further said they had begun examining navels of “willing” citizens. That’s a good approach, I would say. You could get arrested for examining the navels of “unwilling” citizens. People are funny about things like that.

These scientists say they are not trying to alarm anyone because some bacteria is good bacteria. Apparently they are trying to find out which ones in there are good and which ones are not.  They are not suggesting massive rotor rooting, otherwise you might mess up an ecosystem. But I think they are suggesting that you shouldn’t fear washing your navel thoroughly, perhaps in fear that some extreme environmentalists just might abandon the process entirely and flowers could bloom there.

So here’s a thought. Some people say they “hear voices.” Could they be coming from one’s navel?

(Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)