Dwain Walden

I quit watching the Westminster dog show several years ago. It just didn’t make sense to me. How do you decide that a Scottish deer hound is better than a Labrador retriever? And better at what?

Not only that, it’s just one person’s opinion — not a panel of judges giving points. If that judge has ever been bitten by a Boston terrier, then that breed won’t have a snowball’s chance in a microwave. All the judge does is stare at the dogs and feels of them occasionally. The dogs don’t fetch anything, don’t shake hands, don’t roll over, don’t jump through hoops, and they have to listen to some monotone voice announcing where they came from, what loyal friends they are to their masters and perhaps how they guarded the hen house so well back in England. And the dogs can’t tell the judge that they would like to bring world peace. And ironically, they probably could.

But the nice thing about dog shows is that the dogs don’t give a rip. They don’t know whether they’ve won or lost. In other words, dogs don’t have egos like people. The biggest socially redeeming value of a dog show is that some overweight handlers get exercise running the dogs around in circles.

Now most of the time the dogs do look happy. Or maybe they are just amused at how pretentious people can be.

The most popular breeds, which are Labradors and golden retrievers, have never won this show. Go figure. But a couple of years ago, a beagle won and I recall a pointer winning once. I actually cheered those results because a little-known breed with an ugly haircut didn’t win. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not  putting those dogs or any dogs down. They can’t help what their owners do to them.

I would be much more impressed with a “mutt show.” Now I wouldn’t exclude pure bred dogs, but a Heinz 57 kind- of- dog can be just as loyal, just as smart and just as good a friend as dogs with credentials.  I’ve seen dogs that were smarter than their owners. The dogs didn’t smoke and they liked to exercise, unlike their owners.

And how is the world better affected by a dog with credentials, or as some would say, with “papers?” What I mean is, we have people with Ph.d’s who can’t find work. So let’s say a dog can’t prove he’s a purebred Irish setter, that doesn’t mean he or she can’t lay by the fire and give you expressions of deep concern when you are moaning and groaning about the stock market. Besides, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen anyone hunting with an Irish setter. I’ve been told that the hunting qualities have been bred out of them and instead they are bred to “show.” Kind of like Congress. Statesmanship has been bred out of them. It’s just about show.

Another point: A dog doesn’t know it has credentials or that another dog doesn’t.

Yep, give me a dog with some cockle burrs in his fur and a big grin on his mug like he has just found a hen’s nest under the corn crib. I call those “real dogs.”

But again, I think any of those dogs shown at Westminster can be real dogs if their owners would let them. What I mean is, they could eat scraps from the dinner table and slobber on the passenger-side window of a pickup truck.

Oh well, the Westminster people didn’t ask my opinion. But I think someone should occasionally speak for the dogs.

When I write about dogs, I always end with a quote from my collection of musings about man’s best friend. And so: “To err is human, to forgive, canine.” (Unknown)

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)