On my e-mail today, this yahoo asked me if I thought hypnosis was real. To tell you the truth, I’ve just never given it a lot of thought. Right now I’m more concerned with gasoline prices and finding a good used pickup truck.

Hypnosis is down there way below fire ants and grits futures.

But to answer his question, yes I believe hypnosis is real. Have I ever been hypnotized? No. Do I want to be hypnotized? No. Why do I not want to be hypnotized? Because I don’t won’t to go around all day crowing like a rooster or cawing like a crow.

As a kid, I saw a hypnotist do that to a fellow.

Now I have read reports where people said hypnotic therapy has helpled them lose weight, quit smoking and recall valuable information. I’m not poohpooing it as a therapy or psychological tool. But I don’t want to be hypnotized because I don’t want someone having that kind of control over me. I have enough trouble with the federal government in that regard.

I know from experience that you can be put into a mental state where you will do things you don’t remember. For instance, one night I took one and a half Ambien to help me sleep. The next morning my wife told me that at 3 a.m. she found me wandering around in the backyard like I was looking for something. I had absolutely no recall of that event. I learned three things from that. One, a single Ambien is my limit. Two, I apparently had not lost anything in the backyard. Three, that was very scary. I might have voted for Sonny Perdue.

Of course this person on my e-mail was trying to sell me a hynosis program. And he said I could have unlimted mental powers over myself and others. I could get rid of phobias and hidden fears of needles, spiders and snakes. I could also have great persuasion with my new great charisma.

And it says this is just the “tip of the iceberg.”

Well, when I think of the “tip of the iceberg” I think of the Titanic. I’ve never associated icebergs with anything good. Maybe small ones in iced tea.

As well, I’m not afraid of needles, spiders or snakes. I am afraid of people running up on my bumper and crashing into me. That happened to me two weeks ago. Totaled my vehicle and his. Now I have this urge to buy a bright orange vehicle with a dozen flashing lights on the back. Four days after that horrible event, I was in very heavy traffic and I looked over in the parallel lane and a woman was driving her car with her knees while she was putting on her eye liner. I don’t want hypnosis to cure me of this fear. I want to be afraid, very afraid. It’s about survival.

As for the charisma thing, I would be afraid that I would become a televangelist. I think there is a great liability in touching people and making them fall down.

The associated promo that came with this e-mail shows a man swinging a watch. I think that’s an old hypnosis standard, much like the taste of so many foods being compared to chicken.

There’s even a suggestion that masses of people can be hynotized at once. I don’t buy into that. However, if that were possible, I can only imagine the great socially redeeming value if it were applied to Congress.

“Your eyes are getting heavier and heavier. And when you awake, you will never again use your office for personal gain. You will resign after two consecutive terms. And you will never go to work for a lobbying firm. And sometimes you may be asked to crow like a rooster — just to make sure it’s still working.”