I’ve had several calls in recent days asking me what is “catawhampus”. I must admit I use words and expressions that may be regional or at least not mainstream. And yes, sometimes I make up words, which by the way is not illegal nor improbable, given that this is how languages got their start — someone made up words.

The beauty of making up words is that no one can say you misspelled them. I knew an entertainer once who wrote all of his own songs. He said it was easier than learning someone else’s, and no one knew if he left out a verse.

My interpretation of “catawhampus” is something that sits a bit sideways or otherwise is contorted. It’s like putting a square peg in a round hole or four people double dating in a pickup truck — you have to sit “catawhampus” to fit in there. The old pickup truck we keep down at the farm sits kind of “catawhampus” itself because the body is about rusted out. If you were driving behind it down the road, it would appear that the cab is going to make a left turn and the truck bed is going right.

Out of greater curiosity, I put “catawhampus” into Google and it suggested that it may be derived from an old Scottish word that means “catacorner” or “sideways.” This should not be confused with drinking Scotch which could also make one walk kind of “catawhampus.”

Now “catawhampus” should not be confused with “whampus cat.” You can see the resemblance.

For those who don’t know, there is no biological evidence that a “whampus cat” exists. As kids, we were told about “that old whampus cat” as a matter of folklore. An old timer once told me that a “whampus cat” had a bobcat head on one end and a panther’s head on the other. And the reason he was so mean was because he couldn’t have a bowel movement. There also is no biological evidence of that either. Of course when he told me that, I looked at him kind of “catawhampus.”

There’s also that word “discombobulate.” That basically means to disassemble something and all the parts won’t go back together. Or another interpretation is that things just fell apart. And it has wide application. Metaphorically speaking, one can get “discombobulated” driving in Atlanta traffic. I heard a guy say he would like to “discombobulate” Congress. I told him to be careful what he said, Homeland Security could be listening. And just to be sure, he should shave his beard and try not to look so Mideastern.

The use of the word “lightened” brought up some conversation this week. (It’s pronounced lieturd.) Someone thought it was the past tense of a word. I suppose if you hit someone with a “lightered knot” you could correctly say that “he was lightered.” I really think that’s what the guy wanted to do to Congress, which is a little more drastic than taking someone behind the woodshed.

“Lightered” is actually the more concise definition of “lighter wood.” It’s aged heart pine that is full of resin and thus it’s used to start or “light” fires. Those of us who grew up on the farm probably remember splitting “lightered splinters.”

My dad used to make cough syrup by soaking those lightered splinters in whiskey. I’m not sure it really helped a cough, but it would sure make you try to suppress one. He could have shortened the process by just mixing whiskey and turpentine. Of course there also could have been the ulterior motive of making us associate the taste of whiskey with licking a pine stump.

I think most made-up words are considered slang until a lot of people start using them and they are printed in a dictionary. It’s kind of like something becoming a fad. A lot of people have to do it to classify as a fad. For instance, if there are a dozen cases of people running naked in the streets of Chicago, it might be called “streaking.” But if only two people run naked down a street in Ludowici, it might just be because someone came home early.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Obsever, 985-4545)