Hold the mayonnaise, bring the paddle

Published 10:28 pm Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Back during the summer, my wife and I dined at a seafood restaurant down on the coast. Right at the top of the menu was a note that said: “Unruly children will be captured and sold for bait.”

Now I realize the note was a little facetious. And I’m sure some humor was intended. But I think maybe a smidgen of seriousness exuded from the warning as well. As I looked around the restaurant, all the children were in their seats and behaving quite well. The warning stopped short of a guy with an eye patch and a hook on one hand walking around staring at the kids growling, “Arrrgh!”

Since that day, I have read several news stories about restaurants around the country that are trying to call attention to unruly children and in kindly terms are asking parents to be responsible for them.

In Chicago at the Taste of Heaven cafe, the owner has posted a sign that reads: “Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices.”

The owner has taken the position that he must protect the business he has and respect that some customers do not find it entertaining for kids to be running around the restaurant creating a ruckus. And, too, there is the liability issue. We live in such a litigious society that the cafe owner may cringe whenever a youngster nearly plows into a glass door — he can see lawsuit written all over that moment.

According to an Associated Press story, the owner is getting more praise than complaints.

In that story, Robin Piccini, a 42-year-old mom in Bridgewater, Mass., said she gets annoyed when she has hired a baby sitter for her daughter, only to end up seated at a restaurant next to unruly kids.

Now I’m trying to be fair here. We all know kids will act up. The question becomes, do the parents address the problem or assume that everyone else thinks the rowdy kids are cute and the parents ignore them. I’ve seen that happen. And you’ve seen that happen.

I recall one adventure in a restaurant where a kid pitched a real tantrum. I’m not talking about pouting and not eating his peas. I’m talking about screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking and throwing food in the floor. I supposed that those parents had read a book that said to ignore the tantrum. This went on for quite some time. The parents made no effort to control the child nor did they take it out of the restaurant. It was a painful meal for all those in close proximity.

Now I realize times have changed. Some parents I think are afraid to try to control their kids. I suppose they are afraid that if they paddle one, they’ll be hauled up in court. Yet, if they let them get by with no discipline, then they can be held accountable in the courts when little hellions turn into criminals.

Now there’s a difference between paddling and child abuse, and it could be that some parents are claiming uncertainty just because they are too lazy to discipline their kids.

I got some “whoopings” when I was a kid. And I needed them. Maybe “whooping” is too strong a word today. I don’t think I had heard the term “corporal punishment” until I was grown. I probably would have thought it meant some guy in the Army was being held accountable for being AWOL. I did realize, however, that martial arts had nothing to do with deputies doodling on notepads. Also, back then I had not heard “time out” in today’s parental context. When I was growing up, “time out” meant the switch or paddle had broken.

To sum this up, I think some restaurant owners are seeking a happy medium between mayhem and kids just enjoying an outing with the parents.

Maybe that thing about capturing them and selling them for bait was meant for parents to read between the lines, but at the same time keeping to a nautical theme to perpetuate the ambiance of a seafood restaurant.

“Arrrgh!”

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)