Recently I read where a scientist/historian wants to dig up Napoleon’s grave and do DNA testing. Obviously he thinks Napoleon might not be in there — that it might have been another short guy wearing one of those silly cock-a-doodle-do French hats with his hand stuck in his waistband.

I’ve often wondered about the fascination in digging up old graves. And I’ve wondered just where is the line between archaeology and grave robbing. On one side of that line scientific and historic discovery are uplifted, and on the other side is a major felony.

We are a society of lines. We draw lines in the sand. Col. William Travis drew such a line with his sword at the Alamo. Some 179 Americans crossed it, sealing their deaths — men who, while very brave, were obviously quite poor at math, given that 5,000 of Santa Ana’s soldiers were about to attack. The line should have been an arrow pointing to some area up around Wichita Falls where they could regroup.

Baseball has the Mendoza line. If you hit above it, you might see another season in the pros. If you hit below it, you may make something less than the average $2 million annual salary.

We stress coloring between the lines and towing the line. And I’ve often wondered how far away from the restaurant checkout you should be before you start using your toothpick. Surely someone has drawn that line. What I mean is, if a committee got together one day and decided for no good reason that we should not end a sentence with a preposition, I would think the thing with the toothpick carries as much urgency.

Now back to Napoleon.

I would think for DNA testing to be applied, you would need something to compare it with, and I’m not sure that Napoleon put a lock of his hair in a time capsule somewhere out there on the Russian front. Maybe one was plucked from the weave of his jacket on display in a museum. I dunno. I’ve wondered about a lot of things along my journey, but this was never on the list. Whether it’s Napoleon in that grave or not is of no concern to me.

One thing is for sure, though, even if Napoleon is not in that grave, we have it on very strong evidence that the little general is in fact dead. He is not down in Brazil at some nightclub singing “Waterloo” with Elvis.

Let’s say DNA evidence showed that Napoleon wasn’t buried there. Then there would be the question of whose body? And where was the body of Napoleon hidden? Talk about opening a keg of worms!

And why would anyone want to put someone else’s body in Napoleon’s tomb anyway? After all, this was long before insurance fraud was invented.

All sorts of theories would arise if in fact Napoleon missed his own burial. Books would be written and movies produced. Our society really likes conspiracies, particularly if Harrison Ford or Mel Gibson are playing the leading roles.

But the bottom line (you see what I mean about us being a society of lines?) is that regardless of what might be discovered, it will not make the world a better place in which to live.

Of course the historian would pose that this is about keeping order in the universe. But I would say, spend time on stuff that really matters. Keep order in the classroom. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity or invent a drug that enhances common sense. Develop a cleaning fluid that smells like Aqua Velva and sell it to nursing homes. Go for it.



Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545, ext. 214. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com.