I admit right up front that I’m not very fond of watching Winter Olympics. It probably has to do with growing up in a place where man’s greatest challenge against ice involved a trip to the outhouse in mid-January.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the prowess of these winter Olympians. I know that they train hard. But then so do accordion players.

In fact, I discovered this week that I’m somewhat “Winter Olympic illiterate.” I’m not embarrassed about that, though. I think there is something positive in a person knowing his limitations.

Anyway, I flicked on the television and there was someone sliding what appeared to be a large rock down an alley of ice. Another person was rushing along in front sweeping madly with what appeared to be a broom.

My first thought was this was some sort of game show and these two guys missed a question. So the penalty was for them to perform some ridiculous stunt that the stage hands had cooked up on their lunch hour. After all, it looked like they had one of the stage hand’s brooms.

Now I’m aware of bob sledding and downhill skiing. But never would I have considered what I had just witnessed to be an Olympic event — anymore than taffy pulling or spin the bottle.

My friends in the YMCA weight room — who are constantly reminding me that I never give them credit for subject material in my column — informed me that I had seen an Olympic event called “curling,” a game that originated in Scotland.

At first I thought they were putting me on. I was cautious because none of the players had on plaid skirts, which I realized after further review would not have gone real well with sliding around on ice.

But indeed, it’s curling. And if you curl well enough, you can get a gold medal. I think the U.S. won aluminum in this event.

I’m told the rock-looking-thing weighs about 40 pounds. And the guy with the broom sweeping ahead of it is trying to guide it by creating friction on the ice. The idea is for the big rock to stop somewhere in a circle at the other end of the channel of ice. They get points for where it stops.

I was told that this was mostly shuffle board on ice. I suppose it also would be sort of like playing hopscotch under an owl roost.

I try to be open-minded about these things. But to me curling just doesn’t seem like an Olympic event. At its best, I see it as a fund-raiser to put a new roof on the Girl Scout hut. To me it’s more in the venue of a cake walk — maybe outside in the cold.

I have no idea how long curling has been included in the Winter Games. But I’m thinking it opens the door for egg rolling and the three-legged race. Imagine doing that in the snow.

Yes, I’m being a bit facetious. But then I was really amused at that guy sliding along ahead of that rock sweeping his little heart out like someone hadn’t cleaned off his shoes and the preacher was coming to dinner. I still try to imagine him in a plaid skirt.

And would you call these people athletes? Obviously this event doesn’t inspire the use of steroids, which is a good thing. But just how impressive can it be to walk into the arena, do a few stretches and a few deep knee bends and then open up a case and take out a dadgum broom?



Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer. You can call him at 985-4545, ext. 214. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com