I have always been an advocate of plain speaking and plain writing — getting rid of what I call gobbledegook and saying what you mean. But, we, as a society, have not made much headway in that regard.

It appears that we often find ourselves caught between two great extremes — either primeval grunts and gestures and those stories, reports and accounts so camouflaged with fifty dollar words that interpretation requires a conference.

Recently my mother-in-law got a letter from Medicare that was supposed to explain the new options of drug coverage. It might as well have been a schematic for installing a nuclear reactor. I nor my wife could make heads or tails of it.

By the way, to the bureaucrats who conspired on this letter, if you can’t make heads or tails of something, never go alligator hunting.

This letter was so confusing that the Social Security and Medicare folks had to call a meeting to explain it.

Then a few days ago, I received a legal document that made no sense at all. I got downright angry that the language had been so molested. I tossed it in the trash, wrote my own agreement and sent it back to the party of the first part. Rather than five pages, I had it down to four or five paragraphs. I tossed out the Latin and a bucket full of “heretofores.”

I haven’t heard back from the party of the first part. They may be going through some kind of withdrawal having never experienced a one-page legal document.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not poohpoohing details. I just want them understandable.

We have lots of words in our language. Many of them are worthless in effective expression. They exist for the purpose of publishing dictionaries and hosting spelling bees. You don’t have to seek them out and use them all to communicate, even eloquently.

I give you the word “hickwall.” On first glance, one might think it was a structure behind which Bubba would hide when Bubbette finds out he spent the grocery money on fishbait and beer.

But it’s actually a tiny spotted woodpecker. In my whole life as an outdoorsman and during 36 years of journalism, I have never before uttered nor written this word until today.

Also I give you “veriloquent,” which means to speak the truth. I have covered court cases for many years. I have never heard a witness sworn to testimony by repeating, “I swear to be veriloquent, totally veriloquent and nothing but veriloquent so help me God.” The word does exist between “verify” and “verily,” two commonly used words.

Verily I say, God may not even know what veriloquent means. I can’t verify that. Just a hunch.

But because I have not received any communications with “hickwall” or “veriloquent” included, I do accept that the day isn’t over yet.

There’s nothing wrong with learning new words. Just don’t try to use them all if you’re calling 911.

Not long ago, I wrote about my cell phone manual. It was poorly organized and poorly written. All I wanted to know was how to talk to someone without having to go there. I did not want to know how to use this phone as a filing cabinet nor to communicate with extraterrestrials should they show up for the Super Bowl. Eventually but painfully, I figured out the basics.

Many years ago, I quit reading syndicated columnist William F. Buckley’s opinions because he was too impressed with himself. He took the language, wrapped it in political insider verbiage, and produced a thing that would bore a rock.

Now I truly don’t expect this situation to improve. But I do promise that as long as I write for a living, I will not lead you into an abyss of fifty dollar words that can’t be exchanged for the real money. I will always limit my use of new words. And that’s the God’s honest veriloquency — or what might be an insult to William F. Buckley, “honest Injun.”

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)