If television and the movies were the only indicator of the work ministers do, you might think that we only perform weddings and funerals. That’s about the only time Hollywood has need for a minister in a script. It is true that this is the only time some people call on us.

My grandmother once told me a story about a time my great-grandfather, Rev. Fletcher Shirah, was awakened from his sleep by a couple wanting to get married. That story certainly added a new perspective to the Apostle Paul’s instruction to the unmarried: “If they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Cor 7:9 (NIV)

I’ve never been awakened from my sleep for such a request but I have had people call that I didn’t know from Adam’s house cat to ask me if I’d perform a wedding ceremony for them. I’m never flattered the least bit to be chosen from a list of Reverends from the yellow pages or because we have a pretty white church with a steeple that looks like a nice place to be married.

As a minister of the Christian faith, I want to do more than just help a couple exchange vows. I believe ministers do a disservice to couples if we do not help them prepare for more than just their wedding. Our most important job is to help the couple prepare for a life together and not just one day. That’s usually done through several sessions of pre-marital counseling which are spread over several months. If they want a “burn with passion” type of wedding, a Justice of the Peace can do as good a job of helping them exchange vows as I can.

Believe it or not, weddings are more stressful than funerals — a lot more. At many weddings, ministers have to help families move through a web of tangled relationships. You would be surprised how many weddings can raise up old or current grudges, anger, jealousy, and pride. The movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” hilariously depicts issues that are present at many weddings. Sometimes the healthiest thing a minister can do is just laugh at the absurdity of it all and pray that the couple will be able to survive the families that they are marrying into.

I view weddings as among the most holy services of worship for the Christian. Marriage is the first institution established by God. To have a job where I am able to help couples understand the depth of the commitment they are making to one another and to lead them in the marriage ceremony itself is a high honor.

Another very important part of a pastor’s job is to help family members move through the initial stages of grief by conducting a funeral or memorial service for the deceased. I rarely feel more needed and I rarely feel the presence of the Lord’s Holy Spirit any more than during these times.

Preparing for funeral services requires the minister to set all else aside and to be available for the family over a two or three-day period of time. The time that’s spent with the family prior to the service is as important as the funeral service itself. In fact, it’s during these times that I have been privileged to listen to family members share some of the deepest and rawest emotions regarding the deceased. Surprisingly, there is often laughter mixed with the tears as we talk together. For me, there is no holier ground than to walk with a family through these times.

Ministers have to deal with our own grief through these times as well. Quite often we conduct funerals for people that we know very well and love dearly. Of course there are times that we are called upon to help people grieve and to conduct funerals for people we don’t know.

The first funeral service I ever conducted was for a man in his late twenties who committed suicide. The first time I ever met his parents was the day of his death. I found the suicide note in his room in a notebook, which the police had overlooked. What words would you say at a funeral for someone that you didn’t know who died in such an unfortunate way? This is a part of the minister’s world. We are often reminded of our need to rely on God’s strength to do our job.

I believe God has given me the gift of comfort. It sounds strange to say that I am comfortable being with grieving people. It’s not enjoyable. It’s not something I look forward to. But it is a part of my ministry that I embrace and thank God for the opportunity to do.

Though I am comfortable in these settings, I am always aware of my inadequacies. I cannot take away people’s pain. I cannot dry up their tears. I cannot bring back their loved one. I am not able to give them reasons why their loved one died. I cannot tell them what the future holds. But because I know the One who holds the future, I can comfortably be with them and pray that my presence as an ambassador of Christ will remind them that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom 8:37-9 (NIV)

Preparing for weddings and funerals isn’t something ministers do every day. But on the days we are called upon to help a couple start a new life together or help a family deal with the grief of the separation of a family member, we will do nothing more important on those days, or perhaps on any other.



The Rev. Michael Helms is pastor of Trinity Baptist Church in Moultrie.