Dwain Walden
The Moultrie Observer
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The other day someone wrote to the Rants and Raves section of our newspaper and declared that I was not intellectual enough to write columns about politics. For the record, my feelings are not hurt.
You know, whoever said that may be absolutely right. But let me state right up front that I’ve never claimed to be an intellectual. Back in philosophy class at Georgia State University, I couldn’t keep my pipe lit. And I burned holes in my ties and shirts. So I gave up the pipe. I just thought that deep thinkers smoked pipes. Maybe that was the first sign that I wasn’t intellectual. Maybe I was learning to read the smoke signals.
One day our philosophy professor asked the famous question, “Who am I and what am I doing here?”
My response was, “Hello, I’m Dwain Walden. I want a degree in something so that I don’t have to climb up in tobacco barns at four o’clock in the morning and have sand pour down the back of my shirt. And if at all possible, I would like to stay away from Vietnam.”
The professor just stared at me for a moment. I thought at the time I was talking over his head. He said he didn’t know anything about tobacco barns, but he felt my comment about Vietnam was valid. And since I got my name right, I said to myself, “Hey, two out of three ain’t bad.”
When I graduated from high school, I thought I was pretty smart. And in college I held the same high opinion of myself just short of genius. I felt I had many answers to many questions. But now, after all these years, not only do I not claim to have all the answers, on many days I’m not even sure what the questions are.
So let me sum up this little commentary with some observations I have made in the venue of politics — some of them I have stated before in my scribblings which may not qualify me as a political pundit but perhaps it’s hand grenade close. And I’m not pretending to be intellectual in stating them. It’s just stuff I’ve noticed. They include:
• The difference between “pork barrel” and “godsend” is the county line. If they got it, it’s obviously pork barrel. If we got it, it was justified, sanctified and glorified.
• We’re all liberal and we’re all conservative. It all depends on whether it’s our ox in the ditch and the price of oxen on that day.
• Term limits means “right after I get mine.”
• “Kick the bums out” means all the bums except ours.
• Political forum means “submit your questions in advance, and we’ll answer what we damn well please.”
• “Thinking outside the box” means that what we’re doing now ain’t working.
• “Strategy session” generally means “shoot in the creek long enough and you’re bound to hit a fish.”
Maybe I don’t write about politics much because I’ve learned to tune politicians out. I have to be careful with that skill, however. It can get too broad based. My wife tells me I don’t listen to a thing she says. At least I think that’s what she said.
So if someone has decided that I’m not intellectual, I can live with that. Maybe I’ve found a happy medium ... somewhere between a tobacco barn and Plato.
By the way, did Plato and Socrates have real jobs? I’m pretty sure they didn’t smoke pipes. Can you imagine burn holes in one of those togas?
(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)
