About that ‘inner gremlin’ factor

Dwain Walden The Moultrie Observer

| — I have written many times about people’s fascination with things that go “bump in the night.” And mostly it all turns out to be a squirrel on the roof or the after effects of refried beans. Here we go again.

Many people obviously like to romance the notions of Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, the Yetti, and ghosts of various descriptions. There are several television programs in this regard.

I’ve never read what it is about a person that sparks one’s “inner gremlins.” I just made that “inner gremlin” thing up because I don’t know what they call a person who apparently likes to be frightened.

Anyway, my friend, The Earl of Stumpworth by the Ochlochnee, and I watched one of those television programs where the paranormal is explored.

In this program, some guys were in an abandoned prison. Of course there were no lights on. That would have killed the ambiance. They had lanterns and some kind of meter that measured something ... I’m not sure what. I guess it was a ghost meter. It didn’t actually print out a picture of Caspar, it gave numbers. Numbers are much less scary, except when we view the national debt.

Occasionally one would ask, “Did you feel that?”

Another would say, “Yes, it was a definite cold spot.”

I’m assuming that a cold spot means the presence of a spirit. Or maybe even a spirit drinking ice tea.

Of course the camera did not show the hole in the roof where the snow came through. I think that might also explain a cold spot.

Then someone would see an image on the monitor of their ghost meter.  One would pose that it looked like a human form. To  me it looked more like a bream bed or maybe a very large fried egg.

The Earl and I got a good laugh out of this show. We noted that they always pick a building that has more than one level because stairways are essential to hauntings. The electric power must be off. That way when you turn on lanterns, you get better shadows to go with the choir in the background making that “aaaaaahhhhhhh” sound.

I posed this question before and I’ve received no response: Why do we never hear of a haunted mobile home? There have probably been more homicides in mobile homes than in old buildings. Just curious.

And when it comes to other “bigger-than-life” sightings, why do we never find carcasses of these creatures? Is there only one and it lives forever? There is a theory that there’s only one fruitcake and it gets passed around.

A fellow once invited me to join a Bigfoot search in Texas. I declined. Supposedly this search was centered on just a 40-acre stretch of woods. I’ve known golfers who found their shanked balls in terrain more difficult than that. Heck, in Texas I would think they would have Easter egg hunts on 40 acres.

When The Earl and I watch these programs, it’s purely for entertainment. We look for strings attached to levitating objects, price tags on gorilla suits and in the case of extraterrestrials, we look for “flame retardant” labels and Michelin tires on their landing gears.

So if anyone knows what they call someone who likes to be frightened, please email me that term or expression. The word “taxpayers”  would be out of context here, although our penchant for not installing term limits on Congress might suggest otherwise.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

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