MOULTRIE — One can go to a very expensive college and pay a bundle of money taking philosophy classes, or he can just keep his eyes open and be alert to his surroundings and collect quite an array of thought provoking ideas.

I took a philosophy course in college and though it was interesting, I can’t think of one instance all these years later where I applied any of that knowledge. I can’t quote Socrates at all except maybe, “Hey, my stomach’s growling. Let’s go eat lunch.” I’m sure he said that somewhere along the way.

So when I’m out on the road I pay attention to bumper stickers and church signs which indeed provoke thought. I can see cotton and philosophy on the roadside.

I once traveled on a very curvy, narrow backroad that had broken pavement and washed-away shoulders. Along this route every few  hundred yards were hand painted signs. One would say “Get right with God.” Another would say, “The end is near.” And then there were those that said, “Have you repented” and “Our days are numbered.”

At first I thought these were editorial statements regarding the condition of this backroad. But they culminated at a little country church with a sign out front that read, “You had better get right or you gonna get left.”

Ever since then, I’ve been taking in these signs.

One church had a sign that read: “Staying in bed and shouting ‘Oh God!’ does not constitute going to church.”

Then there was that one that said, “Free coffee and everlasting life. Yes, membership has its privileges.”

I think one of my favorites is, “For God so loved the world, he did not send a committee.”

Down in Panama City, there was one that said, “God shows no favoritism. But our sign guy does... Go Cubs!”

There is one that I have quoted before in my scribblings: “God help me to be the person my dog thinks I am!”

My philosophy professor told me that if you majored in that subject you were either going to be a priest or a bartender.

 He had started out to be a priest but became a bartender and a college professor. He said he made more money tending bar.

He said as a bartender, he heard about all of the world’s problems and the answers to those problems, though many of them were oversimplified.

I’m intrigued by how some churches take what I would call secular verbiage and blend it with spiritual commentary.

For instance: “Stop, drop and roll doesn’t work in Hell.”

Then one took lyrics from a song and projected them into theology: “ I kissed a girl ... and I liked it... then I went to Hell.”

Some of these signs cut right to the core. One says, “God expects spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.” A church sign across the street said, “Amen brother!”

Some just try to be cute: “Church parking only. Violators will be baptized.”

Sometimes a church will try to capitalize on the geography. For instance, a church right near a large lake posted this message: “Be ye fishers of men...You catch them, He’ll clean them!”

Occasionally a bumper sticker will echo these themes by mixing secular and spiritual warnings: “Honk if you love Jesus. Text if you want to meet Him.”

Now with all of these signs dotting the country sides, I’m wondering if seminaries are now offering courses in spiritual one-liners.

  Occasionally I will see a sign that indicates someone didn’t attend that class. Sometimes it appears that they just didn’t think things through. I close with this one: “Can’t sleep? Come hear a sermon.”

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 9854545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com.)