Maybe a new industry … Region talk

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February 28, 2009

Dwain Walden The Moultrie Observer Sat Feb 28, 2009, 11:10 PM EST

Sometimes when I’m talking on the phone I tend to forget that some of the expressions I use may not register with the person on the other end of the line. Go figure!

So today I got a call from a lady in Chicago who asked me if I had about 20 minutes to answer a survey. The lady’s voice revealed that she was Asian, and she was reading rather choppily from a prepared script.

I told her that I was on deadline, and I really didn’t have time at the moment but if she would call back later, I would try to help her. And in describing my pressures, I told her I was “between a rock and a hard place.” I might as well have told her that I was between Pavo and Coolidge.

“Where are you?” she inquired.

And I said, “I’m between a rock and a hard place.”

In heavy Asian tones she repeated, “Betreen rock and hard prace?”

It hit me then that an expression I had heard all my life was strange to her. I guess in describing my predicament and given her cultural background, I should have told her that at the moment I had a lot more rice than I had paddy. Or that I was trying to eat barbecue ribs with chop sticks. But that could have been construed as politically incorrect and insensitive.

I told her it was just a local expression of frustration. I could only imagine what she might have said in her distinct Asian tones to her co-workers after she hung up.

“Man in South Georgia ... betreen rock and hard prace. Maybe we call 911?”

But sometimes, the lingo connects. I was talking to a fellow in Baton Rouge, and he asked if I was real busy at the moment. And I told him yes, that I “had more alligators than I had swamp.”

“Been there, done that,” he said.

And he went on to tell me that when you’re up to your armpits in alligators, it’s difficult to remember that your first initiative was to drain the swamp.

Now I would suggest to some of these companies who have to make lots of calls outside of their immediate community, that they study up on regional language. In fact, I may have even hit upon a new industry here. I might call it “Region Talk Inc.” I would categorize expressions to their common areas of the country. Then I would go about the nation holding seminars and selling books that explain what it means when “the bear gets you,” “the horse is out of the barn,” and “tighter than Dick’s hat band.”

This would allow company reps to get a little folksy with people they don’t even know.

For instance, if I say “the bear got me,” it means that I was totally exhausted and just didn’t have enough spit and vinegar to continue a task. The expression came out of the tobacco fields of my youth when someone would suffer from heat exhaustion. We wouild say, “the bear got him.” Of course if someone heard this same expression in Montana or Wyoming, it could mean that some idiot didn’t heed the signs that say, “don’t feed the bears.”

So I’m talking to a fellow from India about some tech support. He asks me if I have a particularly component. And I say, “No, they are as rare as hamburgers in New Delhi.” Ooops! Should have used “rare as hen’s teeth.”

(Email dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

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