Does it all go back to Buck Rogers?

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December 20, 2008

Dwain Walden The Moultrie Observer Sat Dec 20, 2008, 10:42 PM EST

Today a fellow sent me his theory on how UFOs are powered. I did not request this information, but I did look at his drawings. You see I’m still stuck on the very first and basic issue of whether UFOs even exist. How they are powered and why they are described in shapes more like a Frisbee and less like a Roman candle aren’t subjects high on my think-tank priority list.

I am, however, open to opinions on this matter, and I will give it some passing thought because when I look out into the night sky, I find it difficult to conclude that we are all alone in the universe. It doesn’t scare nor offend me to hear people talk about extraterrestrials. But if I happened to walk up on one climbing out of a giant trash can lid it might make the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

This UFO person uses terms like “gravitomagnetism” in his theory of propulsion. I won’t attempt to explain what that is, mostly because I don’t have a clue except that somehow it can defy gravity and scoot really fast.

Now our space machines look like large bullets and are fired off in a similar manner. What we see described as UFOs are mostly saucer shaped, thus the term “flying saucer.” Now I had always assumed that we had coined that shape because in the early Buster Crabbe/Buck Rogers movies they either looked like a saucer or a bloated cigar. If extraterrestrials exist and they are smarter than us, then it would be interesting to know what they think about our perceptions of their travel method. And why do we call them “extraterrestrials.” Does “extra” imply that there are more of them than we really need?

The movies depict extraterrestrials as being ugly and mean-spirited creatures. One movie has them looking like large grasshoppers. So what if they really look like the Pillsbury Doughboy and they zoom around in something that resembles a large bumper car? You’re not going to sell a lot of tickets and popcorn to that movie.

This UFO person says that there are those who discount his theories about flying saucer propulsion and why they may be shaped as they are. I will go on record as saying that I do not discount them because I simply am not that well versed in physics. I took physics in college and I passed. NASA did not seek me out. However, I’m not a complete physics dummy. I understand why apples don’t fall up and why diesel engines don’t have spark plugs. And I have never tried to open the refrigerator door so fast that I caught the light off.

By the way, why do we never walk into an unlit room and ask, “Who left the dark on?”

I am much less critical of UFO theories as I am Bigfoot sightings. If I made a list of cynicisms in that regard, the very top would be Bigfoot sightings, followed by UFO sightings, followed by honest politician sightings. I think the last two have to be in very close proximity, otherwise politicians could not find the black holes to throw money into.

Oops! Got to be careful. I certainly don’t want anyone to think that I am attempting to be a political columnist. I guess the words “black holes” and “honest” had some gravitational pull in that direction.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com.)

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