On separating the reality from fiction

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June 25, 2008

Dwain Walden The Moultrie Observer Wed Jun 25, 2008, 10:30 PM EDT

Ever heard that expression “you’ve been watching too much television?” That came to mind today when I read a story out of Alton, Texas, where an inmate was trying to escape the city jail by crawling into an air-conditioning duct. His plan probably looked good on paper and perhaps with reference to “The Dukes of Hazard,” but in real life, he fell through the ceiling and landed in the office of the chief of police.

Television and the movies can take something only marginally plausible and make it look routine. And apparently there are those among us who have great difficulty in separating fiction and reality. Some of these people even get elected to office and perpetuate such fallacy. Others try to climb down chimneys and get stuck.

Ever noticed those motorcycle chases in movies. Eventually there is going to be a roadblock, and the guy on the motorcycle will jump the squad cars and get away.

What you don’t see is the ramp that has been installed to give the motorcycle its lift. If the ramp is there, the jump is quite possible.

But, it is very unlikely in real life that the cops are going to set up their roadblock in front of a ramp. And without that lift, the guy on the motorcycle would crash into the side of the car. The motorcycle would suddenly stop, and the rider would go flying into the next county. The next scene would involve the next of kin.

And with reference to “The Dukes of Hazard,” there was always a bridge that was washed out and the Duke boys would jump the ravine using the remaining few planks of rotten wood as a ramp. And of course the stuttering county deputy would crash his car into the creek bed — just one decimal point away from a Road Runner cartoon.

As well, Bo and Luke never had jobs they had to go to. They just ran around the countryside in the “General Lee” hollering “yahoo!” every time they left the ground. That car must have had one heck of a suspension system.

Now I’m not saying that a lot of small towns don’t have “Boss Hogs,” given all the public officials who have been indicted and imprisoned for their antics, but few of them would wear white suits and cowboy hats and ride around town in the back of a convertible, smoking a cigar the size of a banana.

And have you ever noticed that when a bear gets after a guy in the movies, there’s always a tree nearby with lots of limbs? If I were being chased by a bear, I would find myself in a forest of greased telephone polls.

Of course the public in general wants to be entertained with the unreal. But I think most of us want this to come at the movies as opposed to when we watch our Congress on C-Span. Last night I watched a congressional hearing about some nondescript issue. You would think that those people who sit immediately behind the person giving testimony would have learned by now that when you take a nap or pick your nose on camera, that footage will make it to The Tonight Show. Maybe they haven’t watched “enough” television.

I guess I prefer the Road Runner cartoon. And just once, I would like to see the coyote catch the bird, assuming Congress would not hold hearings about the incident.

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 985-4545. E-mail: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com).

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